The inspiration of Good friends & Good books

A few thoughts on turning 40

A person who is looking for beauty will find wonders.

-David Brooks, How to Know a Person

Today is my 40th birthday. Last night, with the (mostly dead) Douglas Fir we had just(!) put up and decorated yesterday morning, a group of my dear friends and family gathered in our home to celebrate. Pretty, glowing candles dotted tables and piano; deep and rich chocolatey brownies that my daughter made were devoured with relish, and old and new friends alike laughed and chatted happily in the Christmas-y setting. It was a warm and happy evening.

As I looked into the faces of each of my friends, I realized with a tender heart how much each of them has taught me. My sister in-law, Claire, has taught me what it means to love her family and to love Jesus. My friend Shayla has taught me to love what is beautiful, and to cultivate beauty in the depths of the soil in my garden.

My friend Amber has taught me that love looks a lot like responding to panicked texts about illnesses and injuries at the most inconvenient times of day and night. (She is a nurse and the most well-read lady on health and nutrition that I know).¹

My friend Tiffany has taught me that it is when our children are teens, perhaps more than any other time in their lives, that they need to be shown as much love as we can possibly show them (and more!).

My friend Cindy teaches me about humility every time we are together. She is so comfortable with who she is, and never tries to cut down or belittle other women we both know. She is a treasure of a friend.

My husband teaches me to chill out and host more gatherings without worrying about how clean or how un-decorated or how (non)Instagram-worthy our home is. He is rightly concerned about the permanent things, not about how things look or about impressing people with our home.

Seeing so many people I love all together in one place of course reminded me of the dear friends I love who weren’t with us last night. I have learned so much from each one! Truly, the gifts God has bestowed upon me in the form of wonderful and inspiring people astonishes me.

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Good friends, like good books, teach us things. Not with a lecture or with statistics, or a stiff, dry presentation of facts. They teach us simply because of who they are.

Today, in honor of my birthday, I humbly offer you a few lessons from my literary friends who have inspired me this year.

1. Anne - Anne of Green Gables

I could probably write a dozen essays on all the ways Anne inspires me with her strength of character and her desire to grow in goodness and virtue. Near the end of the book, after her proud and determined recitation, she and her companions are outside enjoying the “purity and silence of the night.” Jane Andrews then marvels at the diamonds some of the ladies wore to the concert, and asks her friends, “Wouldn’t you just love to be rich, girls?” Without hesitation, Anne replies:

‘We are rich,’ said Anne staunchly. ‘Why, we have sixteen years to our credit, and we’re happy as queens, and we’ve all got imaginations, more or less. Look at that sea, girls—all silver and shallow and vision of things not seen. We couldn’t enjoy its loveliness any more if we had millions of dollars and ropes of diamonds.’²

Anne’s ability to see the world truly, and to know that the things that have the most worth cannot be degraded by a price tag, is a gift. Oh, how much happier we would all be if we loved the glitter of the sea in the moonlight more than we loved money!

2. Mr. Peggoty - David Copperfield

When Little Em’ly is seduced by the charismatic but duplicitous Steerforth, her uncle, Mr. Peggoty, is devastated. He declares after she goes missing that his duty is to seek her evermore, and he performs this duty tirelessly until he finds her. He sought her, far and wide, and his love never altered towards her, which was amazing at a time when these so-called ‘fallen’ women were permanently ostracized from society for their misdeeds.

His indefatigable loyalty to Emily is beautifully embodied in his putting a candle in the window to guide her home every single night, without fail:

‘Every night,’ said Mr. Peggoty, ‘as reg’lar as the night comes, the candle must be stood in its old pane of glass, that if ever she should see it, it may seem to say, “Come back, my child, come back!”³

I love the imagery of lovingly placing a candle in the window for those we love, helping to guide them back home. I can think of many such people in my life—both dear friends and family members—who, unbeknownst to them, daily light a metaphorical candle in the window of their lives, showing me the way when my path is darkened and obscured.

I always want to be like Mr. Peggoty, and keep a candle lit for those around me, gently encouraging them when they are struggling or alone.

photo via Kelly Havens Stickle

3. Agnes Wickfield - David Copperfield

Agnes, called by some the “real heroine of David Copperfield,” is (continuing with the theme of light) a guiding light for David. He describes her as a star above him, brighter and higher, and “Ever pointing upward; ever leading me to something better; ever directing me to higher things!”⁴

After the death of his sweet wife Dora, David sinks deeply into sadness and despondency. His burden of grief weighs on him such that he feels in his heart “it could never be lightened.”⁵ It is in this time of desperation and loneliness that David receives a letter from Agnes. This letter is a template for how we should communicate with those we love when they are in deep sorrow and distress. David says of her letter:

She gave me no advice; she urged no duty on me; she only told me…what her trust in me was. She knew how such a nature as mine would turn affliction to good. She knew how trial and emotion would exalt and strengthen it. She commended me to God, and in her sisterly affection cherished me always, and was always at my side go where I would; proud of what I had done, but infinitely prouder of what I was reserved to do.⁶

When we show those we love that we trust in their ability to rise to the occasion and “turn affliction to good,” our encouraging words can’t help but inspire courage and strength. We can set aside our desire to give advice (which is difficult to do!), commend our loved ones to God, and watch them do wonders.

The words we speak to those we love matter far more than we realize. Loving, encouraging words—especially written ones, because they can be read again and again!—may change the trajectory of a life.

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These literary figures, as well as all of the beautiful friends in our lives, are like shining stars: glowing lights guiding us onwards and upwards, and leading each of us to what is good and true—to the ultimate and eternal light, which is Christ the Lord.

Tasha Tudor, Take Joy!

Keep seeking the virtuous and the lovely,

Shannon

1. She also drove over 70 miles to come to this party. I am in awe.

2. L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables (New York, G. P. Putnam’s Sons, 2008), 264

3. Charles Dickens, David Copperfield (New York, Modern Library, 2000), 423

4. Charles Dickens, David Copperfield, 787

5. Charles Dickens, David Copperfield, 758

6. Charles Dickens, David Copperfield, 759-760